I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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