So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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