He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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