i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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