Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
