Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
