i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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