Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
