remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize