i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
