i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
