Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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