i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
