I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
