There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
