On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
