Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
