I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pants are for mortals
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
