No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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