It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
