just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
