I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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