Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
