people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
