do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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