you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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