p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
