In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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