A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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