He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
