the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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