If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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