did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
