I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's like iHOP with fire
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
