Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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