I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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