If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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