Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
