Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
