Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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