I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
