The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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