I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize