He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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