my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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