And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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