I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
