I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
