Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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