why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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