Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
