Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
