My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
