I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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