No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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