Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did I show you my penis last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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