I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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