Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
