It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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