Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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