It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
