Ambien. No doubt about it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
