just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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