dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
