I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
