I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
