if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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