Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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