So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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