its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
