I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
