dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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