we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
