Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
