I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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