why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize