i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
