But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
