When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
areolas are like halos for boobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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