you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
