I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
